Asgardian Cautionary Tales for Young Maidens
by nb41
Summary: Jane discovers that Asgardian love stories aren't exactly romcoms.


Fluffy Thor/Jane randomness.

I was going through genprompt-bingo's list of categories and prompts, and I saw this one: 'Titles of Yoko Tsuno Albums, La Fille du vent (The Daughter of the Wind)'. This fic pretty much sprang into existence instantly. It has literally nothing to do with Yoko Tsuno; the title just inspired me.

* * *

Jane tossed her tablet, laptop, and scanner on the coffee table and said, "I hate sand. If I never, ever see any sand ever again, it will be too soon."

"It is not particularly comfortable," Thor agreed with a grimace. He followed her into the bedroom and began removing his armor; the process sent several handfuls spilling onto the carpet. Jane yanked off her scarf and jacket and added to the mess in a dazzling spray of red and gold.

They both stood there, surveying the mess. Jane sighed. "Leave it," she said. "We'll vacuum it up later."

"I am agreeable to later."

She tromped into the bathroom. Her hair was a snarled mass and her white shirt was hopelessly stained muddy orange, making her look like some sort of wild clay beast. She made a face at her reflection and pulled out a comb. "How is it _I_ go the conference in Utah where the crazy guy decides to prove his weather altering engine is the best idea ever. And last month it was that lecture at CalTech and those jerks with their computer virus and the lab robots."

"Ill luck."

"I think it's a curse." She worked at a knot. "I'm cursed."

"Should I find a priest to attend to it?"

Jane glared at him in the mirror, and he responded with a tired smile that made her relent. He'd fought the engine's effects tooth and nail while Sam and Natasha worked with her and Darcy to disable the machinery, and though Thor didn't have much in the way of injuries to show for it he was probably looking forward to a shower and quiet afternoon of doing nothing.

He joined her in the bathroom and held out his hand for the comb, and since his own hair wasn't in anywhere near the same shape she surrendered it. An invective-laden half hour later, enough of the knots were out that she could wash it without fear of making things worse, and they took their turns in the shower. Jane spent extra time rinsing all the rust-colored sand down the drain.

They spread out on the bed in their little Tower apartment, overlapping in a way that was comforting in its familiarity. The afternoon sun filtered through the light curtains and filled the bedroom with a warm light that encouraged napping. She was tired and sore and glad to be clean, and just drifting off when Thor began to shift. He made a face, felt under himself, and pulled out a book. After glancing at the cover, he offered it to Jane, and she took one look at it and groaned.

"Ugh. That one was awful. I barely finished it." She tossed the novel aside, and it made a satisfying thump where it smacked the wall and fell to the floor. She relaxed against him and scratched at her head, wondering at what point she wouldn't feel like there was _still_ sand in her hair.

"What was it about?"

"Oh, the usual. Girl meets boy, girl and boy like each other, girl and boy almost don't get together, girl and boy get together and live happily ever after. In between there are laughs and embarrassing moments and dramatic tension and life lessons, and best friends who are meddlers, and every other bad cliché possible." She tipped her head back so she could look at him. "Do you have those kinds of stories in Asgard?"

Thor shook his head. "No, the love stories we tell are very different from that. Except for the lessons, of course. Lessons are an essential part."

"Oh?" She levered herself up and looked down at him. "Like what?"

"Well, there is the tale of the daughter of the Wind, for example." Jane raised her eyebrows, and he continued, "She was desired by every suitor in the land, both mortal and immortal, not only for her beauty—which was considerable—"

"Of course," Jane said, and he nodded.

"—but because she aided all those who lived their lives upon the sea with matters concerning her father, the Wind."

"So she was their patron saint."

Thor considered the phrase, then nodded. "Yes. They made their altars and said their prayers to her, and sang for her, hoping she would be inclined to send them fair winds and guide them clear of her father's storms."

"Something tells me there's going to be a special man."

"There always is," Thor confirmed. "This one was young when they first met, and handsome, and a fine sailor, and he courted her more thoroughly than the rest of the men of the sea. She chose to treat with him, and he won her heart. But she was often gone from him, for she had the whole of the sea to attend to. He felt the time more keenly than she did, being mortal, and he grew lonely."

"Oh no," Jane groaned. "Was it a mermaid?"

"No, the daughter of the Wind would have seen any mermaid into a fisherman's nets for such a trespass."

Jane blinked. "What?" she asked, but Thor continued with the story.

"The Lord of a sea manor had an elder daughter who caught the man's eye. When the daughter of the Wind returned to her suitor, she found him newly from that good lady's bed."

Jane had a bad feeling about this. "Uh-oh."

"Yes, he was in a great deal of trouble."

"But not the Lord's daughter?"

"No, of course not. How could she have known a goddess had a prior claim?"

Jane relaxed. "Well, here, usually the other woman gets in trouble too, when there's goddess' involved."

Thor made a low sound of disapproval. "I suppose if she knew, or lured him away on purpose. But she did neither of these things. The daughter of the Wind had no quarrel with her."

"Oh. Good. So, he was in pretty big trouble."

"Quite. But the sea captain had not won her by being stupid or incapable with words, and he spun his heart out in poetry, and she took him back."

"Stupid idea," Jane said with a roll of her eyes, then added, "Not that I blame her."

Thor nodded. "They were parted again, much too soon for his tastes. She made him swear not to take with another, and he gave his word, upon his life and livelihood."

Jane winced. "He's really going to regret that isn't he?"

"And so once more she was gone for some time," Thor said with a sly smile. "And upon her return, she found him with another woman, wed to her in fact. The daughter of the Wind was so furious, no ship could leave any harbor for days. When the weather cleared, this foolish man went to sea, thinking her tantrum over and expecting to finally resume his trading."

Jane put a hand over her face. "How can this get worse."

"Their ship was beset by a great storm, and a vortex opened, and within it stood the daughter of the Wind. The men of his ship prostrated themselves, begging her for forgiveness, but she only had ears for him. And what did he say? He cursed her for breaking his heart and abandoning him, for leaving him to pine for her such that he was driven to others. He called her unloving, aloof, and careless, and said her father must be capricious and empty to have such a child."

"...it got worse."

"His vile words broke her heart, and she departed-the storm collapsed around them, and the sailors praised their captain for driving her away. Save for one, an old, wise man who had known the sea longer than any of them, and he warned them all that they should continue to beg her forgiveness or face her wrath when she was done weeping."

Jane lowered her hand. "Was he the only one who was right about anything?" Thor reached up to push a strand of her hair back.

"That night, the ship found itself in the worst weather any of them had ever heard described. Waves, twice the height of their main mast. Glimpses of a beast with scales and fins, as long as the ship itself, and with eyes that glowed yellow and great black teeth as tall as a man."

Here he stopped. "And?" Jane prompted.

"And the ship ran aground on the rocks, and the sea serpent devoured the crew one and all, save for the old man. That one it returned to the shore, and he limped to the nearest port to tell this tale."

Jane stared at him. "It ate _everyone_ else? Even her lover?"

"Him first, because the serpent had heard his curses and was unimpressed with his manners. He loved the daughter of the Wind quite well."

She sighed and said, "That is a _terrible_ love story."

Thor looked like he knew he shouldn't laugh and so was making his best effort at not doing so, but some of it crept into his voice. "How so?"

Jane flung her free arm out. "Well, the guy she loved goes from Don Juan to complete asshole and so she kills him _and_ all the guys working for him."

"He was first unfaithful, then broke his word, and then profaned her and her father, and his men all joined in mocking her."

"So she _kills them?_ Couldn't she just, I don't know, turn them into clams?"

"It is never wise to enrage the forces of nature. He should have been better behaved if he sought to court one and then do wrong by her, and _they_, as men of the sea, should have known better than to place their stock in such a person."

"Are you saying this is some kind of story Asgardian moms tell their sons so they're not jerks to women?"

He tilted his head. "That had not occurred to me. I suppose it would be useful for that. And for teaching young maids that they should not allow men to mistreat them."

Jane huffed a breath and flopped back onto the bed. "Are _all_ of the love stories from Asgard like this?"

"Not all of them." He sounded too amused for his own good, and she looked askance at him with narrowed eyes. He said, "In some, they drive one another away in their foolishness. And in others they drive one another mad with their selfishness." He was having trouble containing his laughter, probably from the look on her face. "And in still others they each plot the other's demise, only to discover they cannot live without one another."

She hit him on the shoulder as hard as she could. "No more love stories from you."

"None?" he said, grinning.

"Not if that's what they're like!"

He took one of her hands in his and spread their palms together. "I assure you, I also know some in which the heroine and the hero are married and have as many or as little children as they please and live to old age and amicable arguments by the hearth."

"And why didn't you tell me one of _those_?"

"I was going to save them."

"For what? _After_ you told me about the daughter of the Wind killing her mortal lover for being a dickhead?"

"Are the kinder ones not more interesting once the ghastly tales have been told?"

"Are you seriously saying I have to listen to more about couples killing one another before we get to the romcoms?"

"You do not care for tales of callous men receiving their due?"

"Well, I mean, those _are_ nice. Just." His brows went up, and she said, "Sometimes a girl likes to hear about it working out, too. After they've defeated their enemies and proved everyone wrong and maybe she's saved him and, you know, all of that."

"Mmmm." He slid his fingers through hers and kissed the back of her hand. "Perhaps you should tell me such a tale, then."

"Yeah?"

"Yes."

"Okay, but in exchange," she pulled her hand free and poked him firmly in his chest, "I expect at least the occasional story from you where no one gets eaten or cursed or reviled or anything like that."

Thor looked aside and squinted. "I am sure I know at least one such story." She thumped him on the sternum, and he gave up pretenses and laughed. "You shall have them."

"Good." Jane fidgeted with her braid, thinking over the various movies and books and poems she knew, and one in particular stood out. "Since you told me about sea serpents _eating people_," she said, and Thor gave her an apologetic look that seemed sincere, "I'm going to tell you about the Snow Queen."

He kissed the top of her head. "Is this a cautionary tale?"

"It's more of a girl rescues boy tale."

"The finest sort." Thor resettled himself against the pillows. "Tell me of this maiden, then."

"Well, before we get to her, there's the trolls and their magic mirror."

"Trolls as well? Do they eat anyone?"

"No. Well, maybe, but not in this story." Jane nudged him in the side. "Quiet. Let me tell it."

"As you wish," he murmured, and stroked her hair. Jane made herself comfortable.

"Once, there was a troll who taught at a troll school, and he made a mirror that distorted everything it reflected."


End file.
